Miss him :)

"I'm going to be up all night finishing this senior seminar paper."
"Want to go to Shydes?"

You're on my side, right? I didn't deserve this, right?

Student A

And back in the 1600's they couldn't dance; they didn't have music. Do you think they could date? No. Marriage was a business contract. If I had a daughter and Cameron is my neighbor and he had a son, we'd meet up and say, "Hey - lets marry off our children and then our families would own all this land together." So marriages were arranged, and not for love...





"Aw! So you's-ayin' my woman could be butt ugly!"

a season of want

It's just a phase

Time will tell

It's Friday, but Sunday is coming

And so it goes

It's crazy how this life unfolds

A missed pill

Nothing in life is static

How much time can show




Here's hoping we can be renewed

Someone wise once said, 'If you don't have peace, don't move forward."



...does crazy anticipation count as peace???

Psalm 57

I never believed people before or realized until this year how important it is for you to find yourself as a person before beginning a relationship. This year I became my own individual: I have a job, I am responsible, I clean my own toilet, I make my own means, I have my own bedtime, this is the kind of music I enjoy, this is what I do for fun, these are my ministries, these are the days I run and work out, this is what I believe, these are my friends, this is who I am. I am established. I have my own life and now I have something that I can invite someone into. In college, you have no idea what you want your life to look like or where you'll be. I had no idea if I would be teaching, working in the hotel business, sitting at home depressed :), continuing on for a masters, going to Bible school in England - whatever! If I had a boyfriend before now, he would have shaped me into being his life -- I would be but a shadow, a follower, a leech.

This is me. This is what I do. If you want to fit into a part of that, feel free. Let's do it.

I love the fact that I am here making my own meals, dancing around to my own music in my own house that I paid for with my own money. I love the fact that by the time a boy weasels his own way in, I will have my own pots and pans, fly-swatter, vacuum, stereo, everything. I have something to offer -- something to give.

I know that I have established myself as an individual that gives to the surrounding community. My students know me and like me. My parents trust me with their children. My pastor supports me and is proud of me. My hip-hop team laughs with me (and teaches me how to move!). I have friends, I have interests, I have admiration from my community that I have a place in. And I would expect the same from any man I would choose to date; it is the number one clue into who you are getting involved with if they are known and respected in the community.

I love the fact that I know who I am and that he will too before he commits to cherishing me.





I am confident that the Lord will fulfill his plans for me.

Lover, love me.

Healer, heal me.
Lover, love me.

Cause I'm so tired of living for the kind of love that only lasts for a while.

The pain. The shame.

So I fall on my knees to get back on my feet again. and I cry out for you - would you please speak to me.

Healer, heal me.
Lover, love me.

Cause I'm so tired of living for the kind of love that only comes and goes.

But your love. Your love lasts forever.

I am the one who's been forgiven much.

You ever just get blown away with God's love?

The My Epic concert last night was phenomenal. Passionate screaming out, making sense of this life. When the music would die out and a tiny, packed, sweaty, stinky room full of men and women crowded in together would continue to sing on with the lyrics, I would stop and close my eyes. I wanted to hug every single one of those people...my brothers, my sisters. I get so excited for heaven some days. The music will be incredible. The concerts phenomenal. The crowds packed in. We'll all be together - we won't be missing Andy.

I had Tom on one side and Kavin on the other. Watching those boys worship was a blessing to me. I can't believe we all get to carry on like that forever. It'll never grow old. We'll be beside each other forever.

Teachers Show Up To Work...No Matter What

Apparently it takes two days for a goose egg to fully bruise over. Today I am a raccoon...and I thought the worst was over. This is also accompanied by a new swollen lip from falling over in the porch swing with two other beautiful girls: a hilarious moment that I would not take back. Since breakfast is not going down easily this morning without blood interfering, I get these additional moments to blog my thoughts. ...And to prepare for a whole day of brutal teaching.

It's a Calling

4 outta 5 hyped up days: not too bad 'a ratio.

I learned today the importance of accepting bad days. They come.
Some days my students are not going to listen to me or get stuff done. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I came home stoked. I love my ghettolicious school, my crazy students, and the diversity in my classroom. Thursday I came home wanting to cry: I failed them. I lost my patience, got frustrated, and looked down on them. I failed them. They dished me attitude and I dished them defense. We got nowhere. I wondered how such a change could happen over night. The beginning of the week, I never wanted to leave. Thursday - I was checking 'easy' schools for openings. Where did I go wrong?

I have three sections of advanced students that love school, love English, and love the material enough to listen up when I give them information via lecture, discussion, or another method. I have two sections of students that the world has given up on.

Example 1:

Student - "Don't worry about it."
- "I am worried about you. I want you to pass this class."
Student - "Hellll yea, I like the sound 'a that!"
(peer laughs)
Student - "What?! Most teachers don't care if you pass or not."

I have students telling me they are stupid. They can't get it done on time so what is the point in trying. They don't get it. My class is gay. They hate teachers. They don't want to be there. They don't like me. This is shit. Why can't I give them the answers. They hate english.

Yesterday, I told myself: "These students don't want to work; we'll never get anything done. They'll fail their SOL tests. They won't listen to me. We just spent 45 minutes logging on to computers and not going to a single website. They aren't doing anything. I can't get them to move. This is pointless. Where are the students who want to try." I gave up on them. I looked at a student who gave me attitude and told myself "I can't make her do this. I hate this defiant and lazy class." I judged her and formed a picture of who she was in my head: the pygmalion effect at its best.

Today in the computer lab, doing the same exact instructions that were given yesterday, I got to the heart of it. This student was confused and discouraged. I helped her find a website and gave her a pep talk on how much I believe she could do a decent job on this and score herself some points, and she began...

Some days these students will not be pushed. Some days they have had it. Thursday we went to the lab and nobody touched the mouse unless I was right above them (and I can't be above every single student at every single moment! we need smaller class sizes!). Today was no different in my part, but I connected with every student and they DID IT. They worked, they succeeded. We got our timeline project done in one day - we pushed hard.

Some days are just bad days. Period.

You Are The Lifter Of My Head

I have enjoyed my summer in Virginia so much that the start of a school year tomorrow makes for a bitter-sweet time. Nothing beats 20 hours of work mixed with 90 hours of play, yet I was called to teach and I am excited to begin the crazy, stressful, painful, hilarious, tender, challenging, ridiculous, phenomenal, incredible school year. So many friendships are just beginning to blossom, and I fear regression after so much progress. My life for the next five months is: school, work, sleep, school, work, sleep, school, youth, sleep, school, work, sleep, school, work, sleep, WEEKEND (of papers and resting)!!! school, work, sleep, repeat. The days will begin to fly by. My patience will be tested and my time with the Lord tried. The guitar practices will skimp up. Books will take longer to get through. ...And, lives will be touched.


Tonight the Lord blessed me on my way home from youth. I was fighting my way through a mess of emotions and thoughts and sighed as I rested my head back against the headrest at a stop light. It was not a bad night, but fears and disappointments and failures were catching up with me. When in my peripheral vision, I caught sight of frantic movement. My head was lifted to the sight of two of my wonderful youth group students: one going into 7th grade and another moving up with the high schoolers entering 9th grade. These boys had their entire bodies leaning out the window, grinning ear to ear, and were waving like maniacs in attempts to get my attention. I looked over and couldn't help but beam. Their dad was driving them home from youth and also glanced over to smile approvingly at me. I waved back, silently thanking God for blessing me with this encouragement and wishing these boys knew how deeply and irrevocably that I love them. What better way for a teacher to begin a year?




This is what makes it all worth it. This is why we do what we do. This is what we work for.

You know you're getting old when...

Saturday I am devoting the entire afternoon to going through billions upon billions of pages of facebook-ness and deleting my life to make it "pg" rated for my students/employers. Awh, the secret life of a teacher. ;)

To The Tune Of: "No! There's Bob-cats!"

Teasing about a future love affair of hers.

No! He burps!

hahahahahahahahaha

Grace and Redemption

All of my old best buds are returning home from their missions. (and I am not there to hear reports). It is a weird feeling knowing that this one part of my former life-and-self no one will ever be able to relate to. I can only try to explain it to someone someday, but it'll always be out of touch.

I can't believe I haven't seen these guys in TWO YEARS!!! (absolutely Nothing and absolutely Everything has changed.)

I can't believe all the ways life could have gone up till now.

I can't believe my life as it once was.

I can't believe I've been led here.

I can't believe my heart is captured once more.

Here's To Not Being Flicked Off On L'burg Roads!

A Former Minnesota Memory to say thank-you for driving tonight:

I leave the house to go to Wal-Mart for some sunglasses. (Wal-Mart is just across the street, mind you…). Two seconds later I call home:

"Hello?"
"Mommm-ay!"
"Well! That was fast. Did you forget where Wal-Mart is?!"
(Playing along): "Yea, I accidentally left my GPS at home--dang it! I'm lost."

I was NOT actually lost, by the way. (I'm not THAT terrible--just close…). I had only wanted to check if I should pick up another gallon of milk. It's just funny the things I am known for:
- Being a loser with directions
- Having ice cream for every meal
- Going barefoot or sandaled through snow all winter long