"You Would"

Cops.

October 26th - 2am:
"Turn on 8th or 9th?"
"8th...right here! right here!"
*Whizzes the corner*

Few minutes pass.

"What the heck is that stupid guy doing behind me?! Get off my butt!"
*Lights Flash*
"O.m.g. What did I do??!! O.m.g."
"I was going to make a joke about it being a cop, but then I thought, 'oh wait...'"
*Pulls over slightly, but is inexperienced with pulling over for cops since I drive like a FREAKING GRANDMA. I may not know right and left, but I don't rush speeds!*
*Realizes that I'm still slightly blocking the road and decides to pull up even further and off to the side more*
*Cop walking up to the car freaks out that I moved. Says: "Why don't you put the car in park, there."
"It is!"
"Oh? Ok."
"Where you headed?"
"I was just dropping her off at her house a block or so down. We were at my house." (Normal people are out partying, drinking, having fun on a Saturday night. Us? No. Studying. Studying till 2am and being the ones pulled over by cops. Injustice.)
"What'd I do wrong...?" (asks innocently in the sweetest voice muster-up-able)
"Well...we'll talk about that after I get down some information."
Name.
Birthday.
Place of Residence.
The whole routine.

"I'm sorry I didn't grab my license...I was just driving a minute to go a couple blocks to take her home."

Vehicle registration?

*Digs through car cubby. "Uummm....is this it??" "Nope..." "Hmm...oh, here!"
*Pulls up an expired in 2002 vehicle registration card. (I never before understood what the heck those stupid cards were for anyway that my dad would always hand me every couple of months. I probably have a stash of them somewhere. But I never bothered to take note of them. Maybe they are all in vehicle registraton trash heaven.

He says, "Ok. I'm going to go look this up. The reason I pulled you over tonight is because you didn't signal your turns." "I didn't??" "You for sure didn't signal onto 8th street, and I just saw out of the corner of my eye that it didn't look like you signaled to turn onto ____" (some street, I'll never know. I still don't know any of the street names in Rochester and I've lived there all my life). "Oooh! You know what? I bet that was because we were debating whether to turn onto 8th or 9th street..." "Ok."

*Leaves for car.

*Comes back. Verbal warning. Next time bring my license. Get my vehicle registration card updated in the cubby. Got it. Thank-you sir.

Tears in eyes, first cop experience story on record.

October 27 - 5pm:
Tells dad cop story. Dad decides he will now wait until daughter comes home on breaks to put the updated vehicle reg. card in her cubby for her.

Daughter is definitely a daddy's girl.

October 30 - 12pm:
Heading to the U for Halloween glories.
Tells male friend cop story from the other day.
Says, "Don't worry, if we get pulled over, I'll ward them away with my charm."
Friend speeds.
Friend is pulled over.
Friend gets ticket.

"I guess the batting of eyes doesn't work if you look like my boyfriend..."

December 10th - 10pm:
"Is he following me??"
"Uhh...I don't know. Pull to the side a little. (pause) ...Yep."
"What the heck! I was going 18 in a 30!!! I ran no stop signs or stop lights. I drive like a freaking grandma and this time I know I didn't do anything wrong!"

(Third time in only a few months...I no longer fear cop lights. I may drive like a girl, but a slow one. I don't do much wrong. I'm a good conservative church girl. And most of all, I know they always let me off the hook ;) By now, its all too familiar to even freak out in the slightest. heh. heh.)

Rolls down window.

"I'm pulling you over because you don't have your lights on."

A surprised, "Oh! Whoops" * click. click. *

(In WI they actually tell you what you did wrong right away. Stupid Winonian cops making me fear for my life and taking all my records before he tells me I simply didn't blinker...LAME).

"Do you have your license with you?"

Makes really sad pity-me-I'm-cute face: "I dooon't... I didn't grab my puuurse..." (holding out vocal tones for sad, dramatic pity effect. I used that same excuse last time, but really, i never have my liscence. I don't even know where it is. I don't even know how to spell it -- one of those dumb words that I'll never know how to spell -- everyone has their own dumb anti-spell word. we should remove them from the dictionary. name them something cool. like Ted.) Also, it bugs me that periods go on the outside of parentasis ). Because when you want to be a woman and make a strong point with a strong ending period like fine. jerk. It doesn't work if it gets interrupted by a soft, warm, parenthasis. jerk facee). WAY not as cool.

As I was saying.

The excuse didn't work as well this time. He asked my address. I was like "uhhhh. crap. different state. what do I say? do I lie?" I was hoping Marsha would pick up on it and cover for me with "our" address, buuuuut she explained she was the one who lived in this city, state. I had to explain I was from Winona, MN. A road trip away without a license. And of course I don't actually know my house address here. Why would I? People don't send mail...there's facebook!! Cops should work via facebook too. Bumper Sticker: You're being charged $200 for speeding! Testify in Court on Monday if you'd like to! Have a great day! *Poke!*"

I finally gave Sheehan Hall's address from last year because it was the only one I remembered. (So I lied about my address anyway and didn't get any benefit from it! lame. ). <--p.s. that's my new solution to the parenthasis problem. I also can't spell parenthasis. I was going to go look it up on dictionary.com so the blog post would seem smarter, as I am an ENGLISH TEACHER in a few more months...BUT! Nope. I got lazy. Hey, I just finished 19 credits of finals in three days. Give me a break. I shouldn't be able to spell 'is' after this week. Since I can't spell parenthasis, I will use it incorrectly a few more times. Just for fun.

Parenthasis.

By now, if I would have looked it up and typed it all these times...I would have memorized it already.

As I was saying.

He takes all my information, including my address, which I didn't remember, my name, which I remembered and could spell correctly, and my birthdate.

I thought of a semi-decent excuse...that I didn't have my 21-license yet and only had the yellow folded and crumpled piece of "its coming in the mail soon!" documentation. But! He didn't need the excuse. Because, once again, I was cute. Battering eyelashes work every time....(unless you're with a man in the car, then they don't care. Word of advice to the ladies).

In Wisconsin they have to give you a piece of written notice, according to Dustin. So I got my "warning" slip and he started walking away and I said..."Do I have to do anything with this?" "Nope. You can throw it away if you want to."

Throw it away!? This priceless moment, lost forever in the trash!? No way, Jose! I'ma framin' it! Then maybe I'll remember to signal at stop signs, turn my lights on at night, and take my license.......................................................................eh, but probably not.

Now I'm more convinced than ever that one doesn't actually ever need a license or vehicle registration...they just look it up on their little cop-radar-screen, see you're fine and you're cute, and you're off again!

Lesson (un)learned.

December 10th - 10:30pm:
Tells dad cop story. Dad says, "Good thing I just put the vehicle registration card in there for you so this time you had a current one." Daughter says, "Well, actually! He didn't ask for that this time. But I would have had it, you're right. Thank-you, daddy!"

Dad warns that in an old fashioned southern state, daughter could be thrown in jail for a week by a county sherrif for not having a license on hand and driving. Maybe it's safer for women. Daughter agrees to try harder in future and maybe take bff's advice to just leave it in the car permanently.

Daughter is definitely a youngest child.