Mr. B

Driving home from Canby today, Nathan and I were a bit whipped from the Junior High all-nighter event at the YMCA. At one point, Nathan started driving to the shoulder of the road, eyes closed, and so he let me take the wheel. After switching places, I sang to Twilight and he fell into a deep slumber within a minute - twitches and all. Of course these are the times our thoughts take over.

I snuck some peeks at Nathan as he was soundly sleeping to the right of me. He had his arms crossed mummy-style and jaw slightly open -- a sight I am all too familiar with. It brought me back to January of my 7th grade year, waiting for him to wake up. I remember he sat mummy-style, not moving, for.ev.er. Later in his healing stages, he would have slimy teeth and lips with caked on white chunks from laying idle and never moving his mouth (handsome, I know!). You'll be glad to know that he didn't have that same condition this time :) But I can still remember exactly what it looked like.

I remembered Kyle's voice questioning why God spared Natie and yet took Andy. Same situation. Same crash. Same side. Same. And way, way, hugely, drastically different.

I would be no other place. I would be no other place than driving my exhausted big brother and I safely back home from a day with God. I know.

I know not why Andy left us so young, but I will never ever question why God spared Nathan. He has no idea how much I need him. His steady plodding faith. His strength and courage. The way his students revere and admire him. We walk into a restaurant, "It's Mr. B! Mr. B is out there!" we hear from the back kitchen. The way they strive to be like him. To learn from him and take after him. I know. I am the same way.

He has no idea what I've seen this year - the places I found myself in. He has no idea that in a world that beats me down and finds me lost, I always look to him and know there's more. There's more to this life. A steady man in a chaotic life.

I need his refreshing light everytime I forget.