Down-trodden

It has been what... nine months since I made my trek to VA? Definitely feels like home, and I am contented in this place. I do have one quarry, however; and that is how difficult it is to be 18 hours away from a loved one that is deeply breaking. I have not experienced "home-sickness" in the sense that I just want desperately to go home to MN for my own sake, but I have felt desperate pleas for God to hold a beloved that I cannot be with in body. It is so painful for me to sit here across the country and listen to a mourning voice through a phone line and not be able to do anything. What a helpless situation. A time when one can only say to the self: Trust that God loves this person more than you ever can. Trust that God wants what is best for this person even more than you ever have. Even more difficult is it to picture a loved one in a situation that I ran away from. I escaped that, yes. But I left you there.
I am sorry.
I wish I were there instead of you. I wish I were there to carry it with you. It is so hard to sit idle by, when my life is working itself out optimistically for the self.

I miss you. I want to take it all for you. I love you.