I talked to a friend of mine tonight who was found giddily singing the Beatles's song about meeting a girl and falling head over heels. He proceeded to tell me that he saw a girl that had the prettiest smile and he wanted to run across the street and tell her how beautiful she is but "the line between romance and creeper is very, very thin" so he decided against it.
My first reaction after gaging in my throat is "Oh, please!" Then, I scanned myself to try and place myself on the scale--would anyone do that to me? say that about me? how is my smile?? am I beautiful too?
Later, I began to wonder why my natural reaction was thus. Jealousy? Anger at past hurt? Feeling inadequate? Not pretty enough? Disbelief in his interpretation of the story?
I continued on metacognitively and have since come to the conclusion (at least for now) that I have a love-hate relationship for men commenting on women's appearances. Is it really even a compliment when a boy says a girl is beautiful? Did she do anything to be pretty? No. She was birthed out of her mother's vagina with a squished head and fluid all over. Some people were given 'good' genes. Each culture, region, and time period thinks one gene should be more praised over another. So to praise someone for being 'beautiful' has nothing to do with that person at all - you're technically just saying God is real.
One could argue that some work for hours in the morning to 'create' the media's view of beauty and that is what the boys could comment on - but then instead of saying, "You are pretty," they should more appropriately say, "Your make up and hair curler and foundation worked well this morning. Great use of your resources." The tools are effective at beauty, not the girl.
Either way, it isn't even a comment on the girl - just her genes (which she can't control) and her style (which she didn't invent the means to fix up) and her society (if at that time it says that type of girl she is is 'in').
Personally, I feel "alright" by media standards. I'm dec. But I still want to rip off my skin when boys talk about how "pretty" that girl is across the room or how "hot" is a certain type.
Spare me.
You only get one - unless you're a womanizer and you decide to live it up now and die cold and alone and unhappy - so save the compliments for her (and come up with better ones!) and leave the rest of us alone. We have enough comparison issues on our own.
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*Disclaimer: A few aim responses have led me to clarify that I am not discussing a friend complimenting a friend; rather, men turning a lustful eye to judge and degrade women.
Mostly true, however I feel you've missed a few parallels. A persons appearance says much more than just what genes they inherited. Primarily it can tell me how they take care of their own body. (Which is a good reflection on how they take care of the rest of their life and belongings because that attitude reflects their personality) I know this isn't a catch all rule however if a person is obese that usually means that they don't eat well. Which can mean that they just are bad at shopping or that they eat out far too much. Combined with their skin tone can show whether they make it outside very often. So by looking at someone I can automatically have an insight to whether they like the outdoors, if they enjoy playing sports, whether they like to by physically active, whether they have self control over their eating habits and purchases, and whether their eating habits are healthy. However, the same can be said for super skinny, very stylish, and overly tanned people. I would much rather get to know somebody who is healthy than somebody who is super skinny. Likewise I would prefer somebody who has their own style than somebody who just purchases everything that is 'in' style. Again self control means there are other important things to you than just clothes. And of course when you fake tan to look like you just got off the beach or are tanned to looked like a baked potato, to me you're saying that looking like that is one of the more important things in life to you. Looking tan might get me to say hi but when I find out that you don't actually have any outdoor activities or hobbies then we've lost everything I thought we had in common. And if I am truly looking to spend a long term together I'd much rather spend it with somebody who knows who they are and has developed their personality because when we're still together at 50 years old that will be worth much more than somebody who buys a lot of clothes and gets a fake tan.
In addition a persons style says a lot about their character. It can tell me if you can reuse older items or if you're wasteful and throw them aside for newer more current items. Your cloths and the car you drive hold parallel to everything else in your life. They give me clues to whether you're shallow and if you are just trying to get attention. They tell me about if you were raised to be thankful or if you were born with a golden spoon. They tell me if you're demanding or appreciative. I'm not going to get along well with somebody who wants a new car every year or who wants to redo our house every year because it's not 'in-style'.
Finally if somebody does appear to be a shallow person with little self control it tells me a lot about our future together. Life is really hard on people and if you can't decide who you are inside then how are you going to be able to make tough decisions, deal with loss/grief, and raise a family together?
What I'm really trying to say is that people need to stop worrying about everything. Focus on who you are and what makes you happy because that is what really matters and that is what will draw people to you. If somebody is faking it just to fit in or have style, eventually others will find out. If I'm looking for a long term commitment I want somebody who's not going to fall apart once they can't keep up with todays style anymore.
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